DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
