everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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