I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
