I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
