The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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