You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
