It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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