just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
