Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  It looked like if robin williams had a vagina

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  (440): It looked like if robin williams had a vagina http://tfl.nu/jvnv
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  (925): View more from California

  just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.

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  (925): just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win. http://tfl.nu/n1uf
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend

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  (515): If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend http://tfl.nu/8ovo
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  (253): View more from Washington

  oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.

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  (253): oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body. (1-253): I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate. http://tfl.nu/e4ca
  Replies (71) Good night (5486) Bad night (471)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it

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  (905): I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it http://tfl.nu/jng0
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.

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  (303): you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it. http://tfl.nu/a3f5
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.

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  (419): Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name. http://tfl.nu/pkap
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.

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  (502): so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked. http://tfl.nu/56pg
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win

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  (702): Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win http://tfl.nu/7mt0
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.

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  (662): We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety. http://tfl.nu/psgs
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  where's my purse there's an important taco in it

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  (908): where's my purse there's an important taco in it http://tfl.nu/d9zq
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.

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  (808): Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face. http://tfl.nu/bml8
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea

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  (843): I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/qtt5
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.

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  (720): His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home. (1-720): I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that. http://tfl.nu/5b3q
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.

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  (330): I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished. http://tfl.nu/wyym
  Replies (4) Good night (203) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt

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