aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
