You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
