So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
