Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
