Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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