He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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