So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
