I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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