the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Even the bartender felt bad for me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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