she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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