i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
