Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just gift wrapped bread.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
