I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
