Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
