so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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