She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
