i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
