I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
