I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
