is your mom at the bar?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
