tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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