You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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