You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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