I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
