You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
