Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
