so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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