she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
