too bad you live with your parents still
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
