Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
