Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
