# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
