i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I party with great urgency now.
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