Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
