If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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