My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Fuck appropriateness.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
