direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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