umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Found the puke drawer
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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