Are we in a gay sports bar?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
