can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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