don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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