omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am mentally ready for anal.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
