I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
