Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
