You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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