Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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