make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
