This girl is more easily done than said...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
