Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
