Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
