i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize