Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
