This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
