Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
