Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
