I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This house was built for laser tag.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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