It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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