Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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